VOD Review: Backtrack (2016)

"Remember when Adrien Brody won an Oscar? Neither do we."

With as many solid genre efforts that come out of Australia, we expected a little more out of Backtrack. A great premise, a great setting, and a great cast should have made this one a Supernatural Thriller that had us on the edge of our seats throughout... but it wasn't, and we weren't.



It all felt like a safe, paint-by-numbers Thriller, which made it fairly predictable. It also held our attention until the end, so maybe we just missed something?



Or maybe, and far more probably, it was the movie that was missing something. Like intensity, or terror.



Yeah, that's it.

Almost a year after the death of his daughter, Psychologist Peter Bowers is losing his mind. Not only does he blame himself for her death, but he's seeing ghostly visages, and his patients are all acting oddly around him. After he discovers something (which we're not going to tell you about here, because spoilers suck), he begins a journey that leads him back to his boyhood home... where some horrible, long-buried secrets await him! Sounds intense, right?

SO INTENSE.

You see, he's seeing ghosts because of those very secrets, which the spirits apparently want him to remember, presumably so that they can get some rest. Or so that he can move on from his grief, or something. I don't know. A bunch of ghosts show up and act all ghostly and mysterious. There's really nothing more to it than that.



Exactly what you'd expect to happen from here on out ensues. 

WHY CANT GHOSTS JUST SAY WHAT THEY WANT FROM THE LIVING, INSTEAD OF BEING ALL AMBIGUOUS ABOUT IT?

Backtrack was a pretty decent Mystery that had some Thriller-like elements going for it, but it didn't really offer us much in the way of scares (unless you count a bunch of shameless jump-scares, which we don't.) At least it made us care to find out what was going on with Peter: was he losing his mind, or was he really being haunted by ghostly visitors because of something he had been repressing since childhood?



As intriguing as we did find the story though, Backtrack is a movie that didn't really play with our emotions all that much, mainly because it was hard to build much sympathy for Peter, and I'm honestly not sure why either. Adrien Brody did a fine job with the character, and the story had plenty of emotional beats throughout, but they just didn't grab ahold of us like they could have.



It also wasn't very scary. Intriguing and intense at times, but not scary at all.

THERE SHE GOES AGAIN, ON HER OWN...

Adrien Brody was as good in this one as he usually is in anything. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether that's a good thing or not. He did manage to pull off a decent Australian though. Sam Neill, who we usually love, just kinda showed up and read his lines in a few scenes, and then was gone. He was sadly underutilized.



The bright spot in the cast was Robin McLeavy. She's a great actress, and it's a shame that she didn't show up till the latter half of the movie, because she could have added a lot to its early going.  

WHY ARE WE EVEN IN THIS MOVIE, MATE?

Adrien Brody's best work is probably behind him. That's alright though, because he's still pretty good.

YEAH, IT WAS A ROUGH ONE FOR US TOO.

Backtrack is one of those movies that frustrated us because while it's a decent enough Thriller, it could have been so much better. We never felt like there was any danger for its lead character, even when he was in danger, and if anything, this movie should have made worry for the guy, whether he was actually being haunted or not.



You could do worse than to rent this one, but you could also do much better.



C



Backtrack is available now exclusively on DirecTV, and will hit other VOD platforms on 2/26.

Robin McLeavy? More like Robin McLovely, am I right?

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Review

VOD Review: Jeruzalem (2016)

"The part with Jewish Colverfield was cool. We'd watch a whole movie about him."

So not only is Jeruzalem a Found Footage flick, which presents its own set of unique problems, but it's one that felt the need to jump on the "technology appearing on-screen" bandwagon, which does it no favors either.  



We didn't hate the movie, but all of the Facebook posts, text messages, random songs, Wikipedia, cat videos, etc... all popping up on-screen at different times got annoying, and felt like a cheap gimmick after about 10 minutes.



#Horror, L.A. Slasher, and Unfriended all utilized that crap to different degrees, and in different ways, and they all sucked.





Jeruzalem reminded us more of its Apocalyptic Found Footage kin As Above, So Below (which we actually liked) than it did any of those aforementioned travesties though, so at least there's that.

After receiving a pair of Smart Glass glasses from her Father, Sarah and her friend Rachel decide to take a trip to Tel Aviv, Israel, which sounds like a great party destination (please note sarcasm) for two young girls from L.A. While on the plane, they meet a sexy, mysterious history student (or maybe he just really likes history), who convinces the girls to forget Tel Aviv and come with him to Jerusalem, because that's obviously a much bigger party town. They gladly accept.

YOU DUMB, DUMB AMERICAN GIRL.

In Jerusalem, they find a hostel run by a shady playboy named Omar, who offers the girls hashish, and clearly has a plan to impregnate the stupid blonde one, because she's obviously a whore. I mean, she has a boyfriend back home who she says she's crazy about, but then is all like "Let's live a little" once she's out of his sight, which apparently means "I'm going to bang some random dudes in Israel!"

LIVING THE STEREOTYPE.

Anyway, while the girls party with Omar and History Guy, things begin to happen in the city around them involving the Israeli Air Force dropping bombs; the Jewish version of Cloverfield roaming around and crushing everything in its path; and a bunch of Demons coming out of a gateway to Hell, and eating people to death. So the basic lesson here is don't be a whore in Jerusalem or else you'll open up a Gateway to Hell and doom everyone around you to a painful death.



Shaky-Cam Armageddon ensues.

SO, THAT'S LIKE A BIBLICAL STD OR SOMETHING, RIGHT?

We really liked the parts of this movie that worked. The idea that Jerusalem is a gateway to hell is pretty interesting, and we love the idea of seeing what would happen when that gateway opens up. The almost claustrophobic location of the backstreets of Jerusalem made an excellent setting for such a story, as it really is a beautiful, unique city.



The Demons in this movie looked pretty cool, and whatever that massive, Cloverfield-like Demon that was roaming the streets was awesome (too bad they didn't do more with that.)



We also liked how the movie used Smart Glass as the device to make its First Person POV aspects a bit more believable. The movie still fell victim to the usual "Why are they still filming?!?" trope that drives us endlessly mad, but at least it felt more plausible here.

THAT THING WAS AWESOME.

All of that said...



It really annoys us when people in a Horror movie act as if they've never seen a Horror movie before. Has one of the Gates of Hell opened up nearby, and are you being chased by the Demons that are pouring out of it? Well, no need for silence while you're trying to avoid them and hide, because maybe they're deaf or something. Go ahead and talk loudly, maybe even scream. There's nothing unrealistic about that.



Dumb, unrealistic decisions were made by the characters throughout. 

EXACTLY. SHUT UP!

As with most Found Footage movies, the problems of Jeruzalem lie in its mechanics. Alright, so the girl is wearing glasses made of Smart Glass (which explains the camera constantly filming everything), but we sure did see a lot of things that she probably wouldn't be looking at. In one scene, she and two others are riding bicycles (?!?) to escape some Demons or something, and instead of her looking straight ahead -because you'd think that the narrow, dark, uneven streets ahead of her would command her attention, especially when she's terrified and fleeing impending doom at a brisk speed- we see her handle bars, and then her looking over to her friends when they speak, which causes her to crash the bike.



That's only one example, but things like that happen throughout the movie. 



I get that it's a POV-style movie, and only seeing what she sees in front of her would get old pretty quick, but that doesn't excuse how cheap and gimmicky it felt at times.

SO SHE SET HER GLASSES ON THE GROUND, FACING UPWARDS?

Oh, and the "I miss my brother so much" plot twist, which wasn't ever developed all that much, but that you could still see coming from a mile away, went absolutely nowhere. And don't even get us started on the ending. What in the hell was that?

FACT: ISRAELI SPECIAL FORCES ARE SO GOOD THAT THEY DON'T EVEN LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE SHOOTING AT.

American girls should never travel abroad. Also, Your little princess isn't sleeping, Dad, she's getting stuck like a slutty pincushion.

SURE, DAD. SHE'S SLEEPING. RIGHT.

Jeruzalem was entertaining enough. We liked its premise, and we loved some of the monsters that we saw (especially that giant), but in the end, what could have been a great movie was done in by the same old, stale Found Footage tropes that we've really come to hate over the past few years.



If you don't mind the issues that are present in most Found Footage/POV flicks, then this one is decent enough for you to rent.



C



Jeruzalem is available now in Limited Theatrical release, and on VOD.

Yael Grobglas is in this. She's also got her own little Horror Hottie post right over HERE.

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Review

Netflix Review: Visions (2016)

"This movie could probably air on ABC Family, and not even need to be edited."

The more movies that Blumhouse Productions releases, the more we're beginning to believe that they're dedicated to churning out as many mediocre movies as possible: Make them cheap, make them generic, repeat.



They've made some great movies too, but after seeing offerings like Jessabelle, Ouija, The Gallows, The Lazarus Effect, The Boy Next Door, and now Visions, how can we really think otherwise?



I know it's a business, but for crying out loud do a lot of their releases feel like cut-and-paste TV movies of the week.

After being involved in a terrible car accident that claimed the life of a baby, Eveleigh and her husband decide to move to the country and open a winery... because what better way to dull the pain of such a horrific tragedy than to surround yourself with barrels of wine. Of course their new winery has a sordid (and possibly haunted) past, so there's probably not going to be a lot of healing going on here.

"MAYBE SHE HAS HAD TOO MUCH WINE. WHAT'S IT TO YA?"

Eveleigh is pregnant, so she spends most of her time taking a yoga class where she becomes fast friends with another pregnant chick. When she begins to see eerie and bloody visions all around the house, everyone thinks that she's crazy, probably because she's off of her meds. Eveleigh knows (thinks) that she's not crazy though, and so she sets out to discover the mysteries of the winery, and find out why she's being "haunted."

BITCH, IT'S JUST A MANNEQUIN!

Remember that one movie where that thing happened, and then everyone was like "no way, that's crazy" and the one girl was like "it's not crazy" and then everyone is all like "ooooh, I see" at the end? Visions is a lot like that one, except for the ending, which was like that one other movie where not much happened.



Pleasant familiarity and painful mediocrity ensue.

THERE'S NOTHING MEDIOCRE ABOUT THOSE HER THOUGH.

Look, Visions isn't a bad movie; it works just fine as a harmless, safe Drama that has a few decent Horror elements peppered throughout, it's just that it's not all that compelling or engaging. It's a very well-made movie, and it's got a solid cast going for it, but it never really does anything that grabs the attention, or more importantly, scares you.

BE AS ANGRY AS YOU LIKE, LADIES, YOU KNOW WE'RE RIGHT.

Is Visions the story about a woman who may or may not be going crazy, or is there really something Supernatural going on? Maybe it's simply about revenge. Maybe it's about all of that, which makes the whole thing feel a bit uneven. It's a movie that really doesn't know what it wants to be, and it suffers for its indecision.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, LADY, I'M NOT A GHOST!"

Isla Fisher is as likable (and hot) in this one as she ever is, and we've been big fans of Anson Mount since we saw him on Hell On Wheels, and they both do a great job in their roles, as generic as they may be. Supporting players like Gillian Jacobs and Joanna Cassidy pull their weight too. Jim Parsons and Eva Longoria are only on-screen for a few minutes each, so it's not really right to even mention them as "Starring" in this one at all.

YES, IT IS PRETTY HORRIFYING.

The fact that Blumhouse dumped Visions on Netflix without any sort of Theatrical, DVD, or VOD release beforehand, should tell you that they didn't have a ton of faith in it to begin with. Or maybe they did, and just a really lucrative deal from Netflix, who knows. Either way, it's not a bad flick, but it's just kind of generic and forgettable, and doesn't really offer much in the way of scares.



Since you can check it out for free though, it can't hurt to give it a watch if you're curious.



C



Visions is available now on Netflix.

Isla Fisher is our favorite Aussie who was born to Scottish parents in the Middle East. *She's smoking hot, that's the lesson here.

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